20 august 2017

Funny Stuff PART 13

Ma copii ma!!! VA MANANCA PAMANTU'

Motivul pentru care am burta este pentru ca am organe acolo...

Inainte de facebook, doar familia ta stia cat esti de prost.

Nu ne injosim mai mult de doua like-uri

Ce lejer iti sta creierul.

Există trei tipuri de femei: fetițe, femei și Vali

Lângă oaie găsești o frunză, dar miei pula

Indragostirea e o stare de imbecilitate tranzitorie.

Nu ies des la agățat, dar și cand ies, agăț rufele.

Foaie verde-n stalp... curge apa-n bec.

Proverb rusesc: "o ţigară îţi ia două ore din viaţă, o sticlă de vodcă – trei, iar o zi de lucru – opt"

Atata cocaina in lume si voi stati cu nasul in treburile mele

Ai grija cata mancare vegana mananci ca sa nu ti se faca raw.

Daca nu poti fii soarele cuiva....macar un nod in gat!

Paradoxul penisului: nu vorbeste, dar e tare-n gura.

"Omul rupe iarba....dar si cand iarba rupe omul...." ~ Confucius 4:20

...ne-am povestit viata de cand ne-am nascut pana cand am murit.

Cand vreau sa ma despart de una, o duc in Papillion

Viata ar fi mai frumoasa daca s-ar rupe mai multi chiloti si mai putine inimi

Orice bărbat are nevoie de o femeie fiindcă sunt o grămadă de lucruri pentru care nu poți să faci guvernul vinovat

Cafeaua inlocuieste ciocolata, ciocolata sexul si sexul fericirea. Si uite asa sunteti tristi, grasi si nefututi.

Slaba ești atunci cand ai 50 kg și mănânci tot ce vrei fara sa te îngrași. Daca ai 50 kg și trăiești pe baza de salata, ești o grasa pusa pe pauza!

Eu vreau sa traiesc 125 de ani! Vreau viata lunga ca si asa e scurta!

Eu ascult manele, dar nu cu voi... Ascult singura!

Eu sunt Simpaticus Rex si tu esti Cascatix Maxima.

Dinozaurii sunt dacii gainilor.

Traim intr-un univers paralel si ala paranoic.

Ce inghesuit iti sta creierul

Ati observat cu cata frica desfac romanii plicurile? O fi de la banca, o fii de la politie sau Doamne fereste, o fi vreo invitatie la nunta!?

Numai in limba romana poate fi intalnit un asemenea grad de rudenie: o mama de bataie sora cu moartea.

Sunt la judet si vreau sa fac caca,dar nu am bani de buda publica.chiar daca sunt bogata cu bani elvetieni.Am venit aici la saraci si nu imi convine nici mireasma imbujorata din w.c.-urile astea publice.

E uimitor cate sticle de vin pot intra intr-un pahar.

Ne-am povestit viata de cand ne-am nascut pana cand am murit.

Daca faci sex cu o oarba poti spune ca te-ai bagat in ceva ce nu te priveste

Esti o bestie cu nas!

Cultura e o arma, dar Romania este o tara de pacifisti!

Putzfrau - femeie de puţă

In 2017 femeile intretinute sunt "niste curve", in 1980 erau casnice.

Te drecu de paluga.

TM ii mai uda ca o prepubertara la un concert de bieber

Caci Eu sunt Spaclul care arunca detaliile in plus si afla Adevaaaaruuuuuul

I am whatever I want to be, today I'm a rebel, tomorrow a pope.

If you jump out of a plane with a parachute and it doesn't open, you have the rest of your life to get it open.

If you came into this world via c-section, you were never born, just removed. Happy removal day tumour baby!

Schizofrenic si nesatisfacut libidinal, incapabil de sublimare si psihonevrotic paranoic ce esti, ma intreb oare, ai si alte metode de detensionare in afara de falus?

I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly, like a fucking lady!

Fantasy is having two men at once... one cooking, one cleaning!

I like to whisper romantic shit after sex like... "Hey, go home!"

If you are a guy and you use the word bae you are gae

You're like the definition of grace and balls. Gracefully ballsy.

Survey question: How much do you enjoy anal? Properly lubed and at adequate speed?

Fat people look cute when they're mannered

I sometimes fantasize of getting fired so it pushes me to go after my dreams...

Stop being so condescending and judgemental... you know i love that!

You may think I'm a horrible person but deep deep down I'm even worse.

If you ask me if it's too early to drink, you're an amateur and we can't be friends.

I am four days past my bedtime.

Some of you guys should dress up as Men for Halloween since you've been acting like bitches this year.

Grasp your ears firmly and remove your head from your ass.

Sorry, I only accept opinions in cash...

God was very confused when he made those things...

Tonight wanna veziserialeonline.info and chill?

Go cunt smasher!!!

My drool, my problem!

The biggest step in any relationship isn't the first kiss... It's the first fart!

She wiped off her tears and accidentally her eyebrows too

I'm always forced to do shit I'm not qualified for, like being nice...

I am whatever I want to be, today a rebel, tomorrow a pope

What if life was a crazy trip and when you die you wake up as an alien and all your friends ask you if you felt it?

I've got 99 problems, but I'm gonna have some wine and ignore all of them.

Don't invite me in the last minute... I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Dick pics are the human equivalent of a cat giving you a dead bird as a "gift".

*pidgin arrives to castle with a message* "Send ankle"

I'm from a city where everyone you like already fucked someone you know

After this week i need to be taken out.... either on a date or by a sniper.

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9PM or so.

She is not a whore! Actually she is so frigid she doens't have a cunt, she has a can't!

I'm in the mood to do something octobery like go pumpkin picking or murder someone.

I love how all these so-called 'vegans' still drink water. That's a fish's house you disgusting savages!

Your period is over, now i can joke without the fear of getting stabbed

Bogdan: ce m-a enervat azi denisa... pfai
Denisa: dar ce a facut denisa cu d mic?

Eu: auzi la iubi "ai bagat spaima-n mine!"
Lidia: ce i-ai facut?
Eu: sindomul stockholm
Lidia: deci te simpatizeaza

- Did you imagine a year ago you will be a father?
- No, I was living the perfect solo life. Didn't had to remember a single girls name.
- And now?
- I have to remember all of them...

- Promiti ca nu mai bei vodka?
- Absolut!

- Pfai ce fierbinte e ciocolata.
- No it's not. * sips*
- Well i'm not from Hell!

- Andreea o sa mori! Cica oamenii care dorm 6 ore au sanse sa moara pana la 26 de ani.
- Inseamna ca am scapat ca am 27.
- Lucky bastard...

- Ma mananca ochiul
- Poate pentru ca iti pui cacat negru pe la ochi...

- Daca stiam iti aduceam un pachet de servetele
- I have a curtain!

- Stii unde se afla ficatul?
- In pumnul stang!

Din categoria glumelor corporatiste:
"When I die, I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time"

Also check: PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7 PART 8 PART 9 PART 10 PART 11 PART 12